80

On touching the controversial "Golden Number" of work hours in a week

Preface

Love and prayers for Anna Sebastian’s family, and near-and-dear ones. Heart goes out for Saurabh Laddha’s circle, and Akshith Bhukya’s ecosystem. Their - and multiple others’ - courage to fight on until the point they could not anymore will always have to be remembered as stories of valiance, and a reminder for the rest of us to hold the powers that be accountable.

Prelude

14… 16… 15… 18… 17... Those are the number of hours I worked on each day - in that order - in the recently gone-by week. Of course, just as a sidenote, I could have 16 and be done on Friday, but I wanted to reach 80 given it was not too far from 79; in MBA, they taught me this is called ‘sunk cost fallacy’. So understandably, there are going to be rants and frustrations. At times, you might even see that I am not being diplomatic enough just for the sake of saving my seat at the job (For example, there is a less likelihood that I am going to say something like, “Yeah - it was grueling but hey, it was learning-worthy; the experience was so good and I relished every bit of it.”). I know my work should speak for itself, and if it does not and a Substack post speaks louder than that, I am not at fault.

Rest assured, this is not a workplace rant. I would have loved to rant but let me just state that writing this also is a way of channeling my anger towards having let two of our own from Consulting / Audit practice down, and one more who was potentially aspiring towards such a goal. Just as a sidenote, please bear in mind how all those elite founders who kept vouching for official employee slavery have sealed their butts up for the last couple of weeks. And, note how they would subtly start their usual call for corporate fiefdoms via podcasts and advertisements-masqueraded-as-gyaan once the outrage around these deaths die down in a few weeks.

Furthermore, there is another angle to think about this 80-hour work-week. Some of the readers (especially if there is an outside chance that someone from the Executive / Senior Leadership level ends up reading this one) might definitely feel that perhaps 80 hours were not actually needed for the work I did. This is always subjective, right? I mean, people have been saying that prompt engineering could save all of us from grueling work hours. But I do not see anyone whose work day starts at 2 pm (mine ‘officially’ starts then) clock out at 9 pm and say, “Hey, ChatGPT saved two hours of my work time today”. So in all honesty, there is a possibility that someone else with less, equal or more experience / skills could have done the work in even 1 hour and took the entire week off. But, this is not that hypothetical someone else’s experience. This is mine. And, I worked 80 hours. And, I am going to write about it.

So, this is about me going through what I felt, what went through within me as every hour segued into the next one with an unending flow of tasks. As a note of disclosure, I volunteered for more work just because only then would my desire of moving in with my to-be partner might - note how I said ‘might’ and not ‘will’; the carrot is always dangling so close yet so far out of reach - materialize soon. Largely - if not solely - thanks to her patience and strength, despite being ~6K km away, did I manage to limp across the week.

The first sight

“Should I take up more work?” - I had asked this question to my friend, my higher-up, my colleague, and multiple others. The friend and the colleague said, “Dude, I know you are shooting for the stars. But, do keep in mind there is a high chance that if you flunk the ‘additional work’, you are going to face the brunt of it. Nobody is going to be nice with you just because you are taking it up as an add-on. And hence, failure could be used as a reason to decide against all your mobility aspirations. On the other hand, success in the additional work might not directly become a marker of guaranteed realization of your aspirations. In my opinion, the odds are too slim.”

They were right, as they always are. I am one of the few fortunate ones to have friends at work who double up as mentors oftentimes, and can give sensible guidance. However, in this case, what other option did I have? Yes, I wanted to sign up, with the desire to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I was aware that I might be stuck at the tunnel as well and potentially see darkness. If I had to stand out from my compatriot corporate slaves, I had to try and do something more. Unfortunately, I am not a SAP expert or a software geek who can use my prowess to land a job in the Deutschland. And, I frittered away my Engineering degree to such an extent it has been haunting me forever. So the only (relatively) easier way to my own La La Land would have to come via sophisticated slavery.

And, that is how “Should I take up more work?” became “I shall take up more work”.

Infatuation

Honestly, the challenge was exciting when the work week started on the Monday morning. It had been a 60-hour week the last time over with some sort of preliminary work done (this 80-hour week was Week 2 after the ‘additional work’ came in). I was fully pumped and was, in fact, looking forward to knocking it out of the park. The Monday momentum was good. Good sleep, light but filling breakfast, an actual possibility of ‘proving myself’, and a list of things I had to do / be prepared for - sure enough, I was ready.

I started in the morning as always, and for the sake of simplicity, let me break the day into approximate buckets of one hour each. The first hour or so was for regular tasks, updating trackers of all the work done, and all the work to be done. The second hour or so was responding to all emails. The third hour was re-reading work done last week to be prepared for any upcoming questions. The fourth hour was a bit of data analysis and number-crunching. The fifth hour was asking and clarifying doubts with teammates. The sixth hour was dedicated to the non-business work (this is still workplace-related, by the way. Think of it like those CV points on extra-curriculars and positions of responsibility that all aspiring/actual MBA candidates like to flaunt about). Hours 7 and 8 were meetings. Hour 9 was for resolving questions/doubts with the internal and external stakeholders. And pretty much, the day is done.

At this point, you might be wondering, “Bruh, so you did only 9 hours of work. Why are you overstating it?”

Blind date

Of course, I will start by saying that one does 8 hours of work ‘officially’, and including lunch and other breaks, it would be 9 hours. But more importantly, if you look at how neatly those one-hour clusters are compartmentalized, you will realize that most - if not all - work never happens that way. This is particularly true for client-facing roles.

And also, this schedule pertains to the ‘regular work’. Given there is ‘additional work’ now, the subjectivities are endless. But the unknown is exciting. It was exciting for me when it started.

So after investing time diligently in ‘all work’ - be it regular, additional business, or non-business - and clocking out at 14 hours, I was still pumped up. There was a sense of challenge, purpose, and an expected outcome at the end of it. Plus, it looked like the team was supportive of it. The tiredness could be worth it. If I end up delivering the result effectively, the team might have very less to no reasons to think that I am a bad performer at all. “Tomorrow will be a good day, and I can clear those one or two backlogs by starting early”, I said to myself as I hit the sack.

However, something was crystal-clear to me. The ‘purpose’ that all founders like to boast about as an aspect they provide to their employees, at least in fancy PR communications (I am tired of calling these ‘podcasts’ anymore) has to be tied to an outcome. And, that outcome has to be expressed in a definitive, if not probabilistic, manner. If not, corporate ‘purpose’ is equivalent to modern slavery. If I had to stay purposeful, I had to keep in mind the end result of it. This immediately posed the next question - “What degree of disappointment will she - and I - have to go through if things to do not turn out the way we want them to?” It is like that dopamine crest-and-trough cycle - good as long as it lasts, but that is about it.

Suddenly, I realized things were not as straightforward as they might have seemed earlier. “Should I have invested more time in continuing to learn German, the way I used to a few months earlier? Am I letting myself into a rabbit-hole, if not trap? Will over-reliance on the job / entity to make my mobility possible prove to be futile? And, what if it becomes futile indeed? Time gone is gone.”

My thoughts raced ahead of the fan’s RPM as I kept gazing at the ceiling.

Courtship

Tuesday was a new day. There was little hangover from all the dilemmas of the previous night, and for some reason, I felt fresher than the previous day. Organizational psychology and behavioral discussions within myself can wait until the end of the day. Deciding to gulp just about a liter of water, I powered the laptop on and started the day. Shower could wait, just like the abstractive HR concepts, too.

On the ‘additional work’, the scheduled meeting on Monday had been pushed to Tuesday; hence, we had to be clear with the client on work done thus far, and the way things would move ahead between then and the subsequent meeting scheduled for the upcoming week. This required a bit more of studying and familiarizing myself with concepts and components that I had fairly no clue about.

By the time I felt ready for the meeting in the evening, and had cleared the backlogs, it was already around the scheduled start time, and I was yet to have breakfast or lunch. The water gave strength surely, but the “Need that transfer by 2025” self-slogan was the carbohydrate and the protein without a doubt. I felt a bit blurred out for a brief while, but that was just about it. Deciding not to delay any further, I had lunch and jumped back right in. “Have to get things done on time today!”

Around 20 minutes from then, I realized that I was probably zoning out. I had included recipients who were supposed to be in BCC in CC instead on an email, and was about to hit ‘Send’. Just then, thankfully the reflex woke me up. Panicking, I strolled around a bit without sending the email, washed my face, and sent it out properly without any blunders. Whether it was the meal or just ‘feeling fresh’ in the morning as opposed to ‘actually being fresh’, I felt kind of sleepy. Deciding to pause work, and going off the radar for a while, I crashed.

Should have been 15 minutes, but a friend needed help. The loud ping (had forgotten to put phone on the silent mode) woke me up in a state of disarray. Had a conversation and closed that out. Now, I could not sleep, I could not work properly, and I did not want to stop working too.

And later during the day, from the internal conversation about the ‘additional work’, the friends’ advise dawned upon me. Nobody was treating it for what it was from my perspective. Everything had become ‘work’ now - this change was a bit eerie. While work output was never going to be a question, the time allocation for what I thought would be miniscule work was going to be higher now. The Tuesday was longer than the Monday; though there were no backlogs, the cracks were showing up. I had lost momentum on the ‘regular work’ by focusing on the new one, and hence had to catch up with that one. There were too many interdependencies there, and things had to be tied back together.

When I lay down listening to some random YouTube video of ‘deep sleep music’ (this has become a daily practice now, and I find it helpful - definitely friendlier than the noise of the fan or the groan of the AC), I was pondering upon what the differences between a manager and an individual contributor was. Tricky question, is it not? Everyone of us at work are managing some sort of inter-relationships, so we are all ready to be managers. Is it then about the accountability? At a managerial level or above, one is more accountable to the failure than one is at the lower level. And, that made me think : “Are they testing for my performance? OR, are they examining my accountability?” These two could sound the same but have enough and more differences between them.

Which also made me question “If I am individual contributor on paper until Day x, and thanks to a promotion I become a manager on Day (x+1), why should it absolve me of all the responsibilities as an individual contributor?” Pretty much similar to “I am a Cuddalore boy, irrespective of where I go to in life”, correct? So on Tuesday, I was envisioning what an ideal manager should be, what I had liked in the managers I have worked with (and trust me, I have had a lot of them thus far), why I some of them are/were abhorrent, etc. The theme then segued from ‘An ideal manager’ to ‘What kind of manager do I want to be?’

I surely have a deep respect for the hands-on people who were ready to muddy their hands whenever required without bossing around. In fact, under those environments, I have tried to match up to their rigour and perseverance (Hey Bala! I am looking at you). I have admired those that worked to ensure that the overall result was accomplished while keeping the individual well-being in place. I like the ones that pointed out my mistakes post-facto but never in-the-minute, when both they and I would have had a chance to process or digest certain ups and downs en route. I have a particular preference for those who would spot the free-riders easily and differentiate those who were slacking out because of disinterest versus the ones who were not able to be up to speed on the treadmill despite best efforts.

On the contrary, I hate those that keep giving completion orders without putting in place any feedback loops. Questions like “Why is this taking so much time?”, “Why is the document not updated yet? I want this completed in an hour” piss me off to no end. I always prefer them to be “Dude, this was supposed to be completed yesterday <still has a rude tenor>. Do you need any help? Let’s figure it out in the next 15-30 minutes <despite the rudeness, there is some willingness to guide>” (Hola Bharani! This one is you.) In fact, let’s look at the second kind and how the words are framed in that order, shall we? The manager has a lot of accountability, and might be getting screwed over, so they express the clear sense of urgency and point out that things are not progressing the way they should. They say it in passive voice as opposed to active, which works better for me. “You were supposed to get this done yesterday” sounds, to me, more condescending than “This was supposed to be completed yesterday”. The latter also conveys that some other stakeholder is pressurizing them as well, and the trickle-down is not unreasonable. And, the offer to sit around and figure out always helps. The mere offer has done wonders for my work output.

This was a good realization, despite all the hazes and sleepiness through the day. At least I knew who I should be as a manager and more importantly, who I should not be. These were not going to be reflected in the ‘performance review’ but I was learning for myself, and realizing these seemed to be crucial.

Chaos

Mid-weeks and mid-life are similar - full of confusions and haplessness, so it was clearly characteristic of a Wednesday. On the ‘additional work’ front, we had received some directional go-ahead from the external stakeholder, while on the ‘regular work’ front, Wednesday was always the busiest day with a lot of meetings, deliverables, emails, and follow-ups. Over the first two days of the work-week, girlfriend and I had not had a chance to talk properly for 10-15 minutes at a stretch - so I knew it would not go too well for the both of us if we did not talk at least for 30 minutes. Plus, mom had asked several times over the last couple of days if things were going on okay - she had been following the Anna Sebastian news and was obviously concerned.

This is exactly when I noticed the need for a good 7-hour to 8-hour sleep cycle on a consistent basis as the bare minimum. Social life or lighter moments were obviously out of question, so sleep was the only block that could hold the contraption together when crisis came knocking. There was more. Usually, when I feel overwhelmed and/or go through a state of shell-shock (as in, too much work to do but for some reason, I am not getting into action mode), closing my eyes and slowing down used to help. However, I realized here that the moment I close my eyes and try to focus, I found myself dozing off. The body was clearly getting fatigued out and even meditation or other well-being techniques need prerequisites (like a good sleep during the previous night). It was clear as a freshly-polished glass that I would snap at someone at this rate, and it would not end pleasantly. So I decided for the day that I would limit my responses to messages asking for help or any doubts. This was going to be dicey because it works both ways. I cannot not respond to a person seeking help and then go back to the same person asking for help, at least not on the same day. “Ugh, what a mess!”

Somehow, the work day started and I started ticking tasks one after another. The only difference now was that I was just checking boxes. There was no real “Let’s ask this additionally? Maybe they had not thought about it, and it would be a good value-add” enthusiasm. Naturally hence, when I received a ping from a person supposed to my higher-up asking for some rudimentary email or meeting invite to be sent out (when they are more accountable than I am, and are supposed to be leading the entire thing together), I was almost on the verge of exploding. Kid you not, I typed something like “I am busy right now. Please send the invite by yourself. Does not sound like a difficult task”. Thankfully again, consciousness kicked in, and I long-pressed the backspace key. On top of this ‘scheduling email invite’ task, the “Why is the file looking partially yet?” kind of raised my temper again. “Can you stop just asking for status updates, get down from your high-horse, and start doing something meaningfully?”, I wanted to say. But as I joke occasionally, “My paygrade allows me to be the Tom Hanks of ‘Forrest Gump’ (blindly follow orders and never think on your own) most of the time and occasionally the Tom Hanks of ‘The Terminal’ (remain clueless, try to fight back with the hope that things will work out) or maybe the Tom Hanks of ‘Castaway’ (feel alone and doomed, and wait for help to arrive), but never really the Tom Hanks of ‘Catch Me If You Can’ (the investigative guy)”. I wish to be a manager that does not merely pass on duties in the name of ‘delegation of tasks’ but takes ownership of some of them.

A slight detour

Then, there was this other dude - supposedly my friend but completely insensitive as a buffalo - with whom I had a conversation, and who made my blood boil. “Dude, why is process-based work taking so long? Perhaps, you are not getting the right. See, you have to do more ‘strategic’ work” (emphasis added). Ah, the same old jargon! Here is a quick thought exercise for all the ‘strategy’-seeking virtue-signalers.

Let’s suppose you want to eat something innovative, something that cannot be thought of by even Chef Gusteau (ahem, of the ‘Ratatouille’ fame). You have an idea and in your mind, you kind of visualize the ingredients and the method to cook. Strategic enough?

Now, there are two options in front of you. Three, rather.

1. You cook the dish. But cooking is a series of steps, and is ‘process-oriented’. You are not a process person, so you cannot afford to waste time on processes. So, this option is eliminated.

2. You order in. But that would mean too many ‘processes’. Going to a food delivery platform’s website/app, searching for the restaurant, finding the hypothetical one that has your dish, and ordering in, and then collecting it. Ah, gosh Process, process, process. You hate it, and you want to remain ‘strategic’.

3. You choose to not eat, and not yield to the mundane necessities of ‘process-based work’. Strategically stupid enough, you remain hungry. Your strategy remains in your mind.

If the food example sounds very alien, let’s consider something more relevant. You are a top-end Consultant, let’s say, and you got a smashing idea. The strategy here is in your mind, and you outsource the process-based work to some other person who will do the presentations. Fair?

1. The dude who works on the presentation comes up with something which is slightly different from what you had in mind but something you agree with (can someone tell these consulting idiots to stop using ‘align’ and use the more prevalent word ‘agree’? What ‘align’? How much are you aligned? Like, 45 degrees? Straight angle? Right angle? Are you aligned in parallel? Or, is it more perpendicular? What about oblique alignment? Bullshit, I say!"). Note that idea is different from strategy. “I want to improve my business revenue” is an idea. A strategy is a set of actions that would implement the idea. So, if the dude who created this presentation has modified some of your ideas, is he process-oriented? Or, is he strategic?

2. The dude came up with something you do not necessarily agree with. You have told him a million times but he is not getting it. What do you do now? Either sit and do the work yourself but that would mean you become the ‘process guy’ - a facet you despise, like a casteist oppressor hates the oppressed - which you do not want to become. So, you go back and keep yelling at that poor dude. In this case, you are neither strategic nor process-oriented. You are just a jerk.

3. Neither you nor the other dude complete the work, and it remains nobody’s work.

Of what use is this whole strategy nonsense if you cannot implement it via processes? OR, if you cannot respect those who execute the processes? And, at what point does this ‘strategy’ bullshit crumble down and look really like nothing but trash?

The point to be made is that all of us have strategic and process work to varying degrees.

Back to reality

Wednesday was okay. I was back to a lot of backlogs again, but I wanted to log out. So, at 15 hours, I decided enough was enough. I had lost it, and neither a promotion nor mobility seemed to matter now. With a 60-hour regular grind already going on, this one seemed a bit unreasonable now.

If I were a modern fief masquerading as a founder potentially with a multiple personality disorder, the gyaan I would have given myself is, “Don’t treat ‘work’ as ‘primary’ and ‘additional’. Any work is work. Do it devotionally.” However, I was not that persona. Further, from an organizational behavior standpoint as well, treating ‘additional' work’ for what it is sounded practical. An individual is more likely to feel happier at the successful completion of ‘additional work’ than ‘work’. It adds that much more psychological self-belief. Hence, in my mind, the compartmentalization was not only useful but also essential.

She and I finally found some good time to chat, and although I felt sleepy and started zoning out, it was worth the time nevertheless. Work could wait… or so I thought.

Intermission

Waking up in the middle of the night for an intermission, I suddenly wondered, “I decided work can wait. But am I really believing in it? Have I succumbed to the pressures of corporate requirements? Am I going to be this focused-on-career-but-not-on-those-who-care-about-me person forever? What is these few years change my personality for the worse?”

And the most shuddering thought of all. “Would Anna have gone through these confusions as well?”

Dynamics

On Thursday, I had lost it. I was perpetually grumpy with continuously disturbed sleep and mounting pressure. My friend was helping me out with some of the secondary research required for the work (thanks, Joy!), but I was finding my grip loosening up. The demands were perceptibly shifting from “Take it up, man!” to “C’mon dude, you took it up!”, and when this came in from someone who I considered to be my (additional) mentor and from the way it was said, the trap was all but visible. The clear implication was “If you succeed, you succeed at ‘additional work’. But if you fail, you fail at ‘work’”, and that kind of seemed to be leading towards the proverbial last straw that broke the camel’s back.

I logged in at around 10.30 am, and clocked out at around 4.45 am - time when folks on the external side from the US had had a nice sleep, had come to work, and had logged off already for the day. Given this, I was extremely frustrated not merely for working a lot but because of the whole “You asked for it” tone. If I were slightly more brash as I was during my first-ever job, I would have burnt the bridges already but now I am much more realistic (in other words, much more of a slave with dependencies - so my revolutionary revolts stop with WhatsApp stories).

The power hierarchy was clearly visible, and with every passing day, I kept comprehending the depth of what my friends were referring to all along. More importantly, I found my system slowing down - I felt weak, I just wanted to sit in front of the laptop through the day doing something; did not feel like brushing or getting ready, did not feel like eating or sleeping, did not really want to talk to anyone, just wanted to be sitting in front of the laptop. I found myself typing random incoherent sentences; forcing myself to focus was helping only to an extent and it was clear the body needed a break. In a fit of rage, I was just planning on hitting that resignation button - and for the third time, the consciousness kicked in and shook me “WTF dude! You have worked so hard for this. Fight along and present your work; let nobody come and say that you did not do enough. You have done enough and more, irrespective of what you think. You have to defend your work and ensure people understand. Don’t stop at anything less.”

When I crashed at 5 am, I did not need YouTube music videos for deep sleep. I don’t even recall if I had dinner for the day.

Perpetuity

When I woke up at around 8.15 am, I noticed my laptop was still on and charging, and I had left the display settings to ‘Never sleep’. “Gosh, this stupid machine is going to slow down today. Good riddance”. The tube-light was on; on any good day, I would have never been able to sleep under the luminosity of a bright tube-light but again, ‘good sleep’ was anyway a thing of the past. Besides, I am not going to be too generous by calling an unpleasant 3-hour siesta a sleep.

And, in any case, I saw that despite the efforts, I would anyway have to spend a few more hours in the weekend to keep certain things ready for the upcoming week. Hence, Friday would be treated like one. Or at least, that was the initial resolution.

Requested a couple of meeting postponements to the upcoming week and did not even bother to be polite or explanatory about it. Got a few ‘non-business tasks’ done, and then jumped on to the ‘business’ ones when I received a Teams call. Usually, work colleagues and friends call only after texting a courtesy-sake, “Shall I call?” and I reciprocate the same tradition not just because it is polite but also because occasionally Teams goes into glitch mode where it shows people who are ‘Away’ as ‘Available’, and vice-versa. The Teams call was again a flurry of instructions and no real support. The best way I could show my anger was not saying “Thank you” at the end of the call. Remember what I said about paygrades!

Then, there were meetings, negotiations, analysis, documents, discussions and more. But it was a Friday so I would log out ‘early’ (ahem, 12 am - fair deal?). The week clearly did not end well. I have had a few important ruminations and realizations, so I am rather okay having done this for once after so long. But for any individual, it is going to be really difficult to keep sugar-coating and painting an “All Is Well” picture if unreasonableness becomes a norm.

End note

Surely, I went through phases of pure enthusiasm to nothing but distress. The phases of enthusiasm were also correlated to the period of the week - I was more pumped on the Monday than on the Friday because the effect wore off evidently - as well as to the level of solidarity, non-disturbance and support I received from my peers, friends, and managers. The moment there was even the slightest perception that these people are probably waiting for me to fail and not really testing me (this is my perception again, but the point still remains - even that perception should not exist), the enthusiasm just dropped in a free-fall.

I kept remembering the title of a book - “Who Will Cry When You Die?” - whose author (Robin Sharma) I hate for several reasons through this week. Death is a good topic to think, talk and discuss about when you have a clear, relaxed, leisurely state of mind; in fact, these discussions even improve the perspectives on life and death. Girlfriend and I have spoken about death several times in quite a bit of detail, and even recently when we watched ‘The Notebook’, we were discussing what would happen if one of us got dementia in the future. But the same topic does not look too good for thinking when your brain is already jammed for space and break.

It was a good experience - perhaps the closest it came to my idea of being a real version of Mr. Beast who did not fake his videos. But just like a tourist destination, these remain ‘good experiences’ only when visited once in a while; if the tourist destination becomes home, the enjoyment is gone.

Last but not the least, I definitely do not vouch for anyone to do 80 hours. I am neither for nor against against founders wanting to work 80 hours. Just because you want does not mean everyone else wants it too. And if you are someone who is appreciative of this for whatever reasons, keep it to yourself at the least.

May sanity prevail! And, may slavery - in all forms - die and get buried so deep.