My Trysts with 'Stress'
More my experience of stress itself and how it builds up within me and not really a bucket-list of 'solutions'
To start with:
I was oscillating between a few ways of naming this one, and the battle was intense. Among other funny and weird titles, the most serious contender was ‘The Anatomy of Stress’. However, given the mafia of medical influencers - dare I say even doctors - spreading utter nonsense through ‘med-coms’, YouTube Shorts and Instagram Reels, I was skeptical about using any medical language to title the piece. I am neither a doctor nor a psychiatrist, and this is not medical advice, either. There are no playbooks towards solutions. This is me talking about my various experiences with stress, plain and simple. If there are any confusions, please go back to the title, read the sub-title, and then glimpse through this introduction again, and rinse & repeat before moving any further.
Ready?
(Oh, and also, there are quite a few places where I employ second-person narrative - “You feel blank”, “You try doing XYZ”, etc. I owe this either to the lack of native-level English fluency or to the fact that I have listened to several people advice me on overcoming stress (“You have to do this and avoid that, bro”), or both. Please do not treat it with the tonality of virtue-signaling or gyan-giving.)
My personal ‘stress taxonomy’ based on experiences:
Even after the disclaimer, I have to cautiously keep reinforcing the point that these are personal experiences, and might be anecdotal in the larger scheme of things. And, this level of deliberate caution creates more stress, when the planned intention of having to write this was quite the contrary - an effort aimed at unclogging and liberation (without going into the melodramatic side of things). Leaving that really bad attempt at what is being called in the present-day parlance as ‘dark comedy’, I will move on to a few different classifications of stress I have experienced (and have named it as per my own whims for my own convenience).
Snap stress - This happened/happens when I have been on a madly intense activity for a few weeks or a few months, and the body/brain is simply not able to take it anymore.
Conflict stress - This results from the aspiration of wanting to do more but the limitation on time and conscious effort/focus.
Decision stress - When I have made a decision, and there are internal/external problems that happen - or those I fear will happen - because of that decision.
As we go further, we might see further branches of each of these categories. But for now, these are all-encompassing.
Snap stress:
From 2018 onwards - in fact from late 2017 onwards - this has been a regular occurrence. I mean, I am leaving out any instance of ‘stress’ before 2017 because personally they do not warrant mentions here for the sheet intensity (or the lack of) of them and the ambiguity around whether they were stressful events/happenings in the first place. And, there has been a pattern. June to December is when I am usually at my peak intensity at work, and the focus goes for a toss in January. February goes like a blur. In March, there is a fight to retake control of life and work, followed by a slow but underwhelming back-to-routine during April. May is when the guns start getting loaded, and then comes June where things are fully charged.
So, to give a year-by-year breakdown, this is how it has looked like:
2017-18 : Job 1. I am naive and straight out of engineering.
Banking only on good communication, I am hired by a SaaS firm as a BDE in June 2017.
Reporting to a brazenly abusive manager, I try all possible means to be good at work between August and October. Every effort fails miserably. The more I try, the worse his feedback become.
My calls and communication with customers are rated ‘bad’.
I am told I do not have the finesse of a SaaS salesperson.
Questions around where I come from and whether I had ever thought if this profession was for me are posed during 1:1 sessions with manager.
By November, I can feel that my body is yielding under pressure. I always have high temperatures, I can literally touch my head to realize how heated my brain must be.
December is when I lose it and break down. Bouts of hysteric episodes ensue where I cry to myself, to my peers, and to other friends outside work.
Subconsciously at this point, I begin to conclude that I, in all probability, do not make for a good corporate professional in all probability.
I have questions about my competence and commitment at work and workplaces in general, and want to quit working altogether.
My naivety around not knowing how to report such behavior from seniors does not help, either.
In January 2018, I actually muster up courage and start looking for jobs elsewhere.
Remember that my corporate experience has been bad, and I am fairly naive.
I extrapolate and decide I do not want to work in the corporate space.
I start applying to other spaces that have always been dreams (but workplaces I would not have chosen so early in my career had I been given an option to continue working in a congenial atmosphere at my then-current organization).
After a few rejections, I do get a few confirmations in February 2018. I finally put my papers down.
The notice period is literally the period I enjoy most during my brief 9-month stint at the organization.
In March 2018, the heat inside my head seems to be slowing down, but I realize my last working day with the firm would be by the month-end, and I had not told my parents yet about the decision. I mean, I was in a well-paying position but had chosen this job against their volitions of wanting me to become a ‘Core’ Mechanical Engineer. The fear of being told, “Told you so already”, “Your friends chose wisely”, “This is an aspect of workplaces, not an exception. STFU and put your head down” - even when they would probably not have remarked this way - keep confusing me. Finally, the confrontation happens, the episode does not go well, my parents decide I am stupid, although since they have no other option, they let me be.
2018-19: Job 2. This time at a non-profit. One that works in an area I always had an inclination towards. This time, I want to make it count and PROVE to everyone that I did right.
May 2018 - Transition to Pune for a training period for a month and slightly more.
June 2018 - I become a teacher in a school, and go in with high hopes of being a ‘change-maker’ in a month. I meet my ever-since mentor in-person.
July to September 2018 - My efforts are all over the place, my caste privilege becomes apparent, the academic outcomes are not reflective of the ‘efforts’ I claim to have taken, there is a glaring gap. Mentor chimes in.
October to December 2018 - Rage mounts, and I buckle up. Get almost everything right. Turns the failure around, thanks in huge part to the mentor.
Overworking to the point of 80-90 hours a week creates fatigue in January 2019, but I push ahead.
In February 2019, the final blow happens when I vomit blood and black-out. Diagnosed with early signs of ulcer, severe food poisoning, irritable bowel syndrome, and everything.
Medications start, and I continue working but in a mellowed manner in March 2019.
In April and May 2019, I take a break for summer vacation.
2019-20: Job 3. Continue to run a smaller non-profit with my mentor. With the same students. Now, I am much more level-headed. Pragmatism has set in, but with it a heavy dose of cynicism around impact, outcomes, ‘what is the point?’, etc.
June and July go smooth with fairly easy workload.
In August, the examination outcomes do not reflect the rigor of preparation and pedagogy, especially given our students are in their tenth grade. Amp up the efforts.
Between September and December things go fairly intensely. Intense work days again, and staying in the community, I realize, requires a bit of maturity in terms of age and experience. I feel like there are very less aspirational things to look forward to that would aid my personal growth.
In the run-up to the first-ever Board examination experience the students will get, and in order for them to be prepared for the same, we do quite a bit of over-stretching from our end in the New Year.
By February 2020, things start to shake up when a mysterious disease is rumored to be spreading all across the country.
In March 2020, the schools are shut and everyday interventions become far more difficult around COVID. Irrespective, in-person visits to the students’ houses happen and they take at-home tests.
The lockdowns keep getting extended and by May end, it becomes clear that there will not be any examinations; workarounds will be put in place to evaluate the progress report and a ‘Board examination’ marksheet would be given nonetheless.
This rattles my confidence since there was no tangible impact or output I was able to witness, and it seems like my efforts thus far in my professional endeavors have never mattered. Now that I had experienced both for-profit and non-profit space, I decide there is no point at all.
2020-21: Girlfriend is already a prodigy, well on her way towards her Masters in Europe. I am not sure what to do. After discussing a bit with her, I decide to hop on to the MBA bandwagon, eager to hit reset and find something from scratch again.
No surprises here, as the June to December period of 2020 is filled with CAT preparation and work. Things seem to be going well until November end when I mess up the examination.
Already under external pressure for losing out on an amazing career trajectory, and taking up jobs that paid very less, and with the self-doubt about ‘impact’ and all, I decide to push ahead and make the best out of the CAT result.
Joined MDI Gurgaon later in 2021.
The college phase (2021-23): You get the gist. The same has played out during the MBA as well. In 2021, maxed out on all the rigorous activities - competitions, case studies, academics, assignments - and the fatigue set in during January 2022. The bigger challenge here was since things were online up until then to a greater extent, and my summer internship was going to be offline, my typical ramp-up period got frayed. April is when I start picking things up and the rigor settles in, but it is also a period where I usually have to be in the same setup that I was when fatigue would set in earlier. This time around, I had to move to Bengaluru for the internship, and the internship performance was underwhelming as well (there was other reasons to the internship performance, but keeping aside the blame game, I could have tried fixing the issues).
This was the case in 2022-23 as well. From June onwards things peaked again, with me knowing that I had to prepare for my placement opportunities again, while not letting the academic guard down. Mix the visa processes and other requirements for the Semester Abroad, and the July to September period went in a jiffy. Then, I moved to Austria for three months, and that was challenging as well. The new place, the placement preparation requirements, and the fact that the whole point of moving to Austria to travel to Germany frequently to meet girlfriend. The placement got sorted out in November 2022, although I was not sure if I took the domain choice. But since there was no other option due to the ‘One Person, One Offer’ policy, I took it satisfied that at least I moved away from the domain I did not want to pursue a long-term career on. After returning to India towards the New Year, the same routine set in, aided by the fact that there was nothing really to do in the last trimester, plus the uncertainty and dilemma around the job I had gotten.
2023-24 (Post-MBA): Wanting to make the most out of the job, I jump headlong into work trying to learn and grasp as much as possible.
Initially, that is in June and July 2023, my college and my ‘specialization’ - which is not relevant to the domain the firm operates in - takes me nowhere and there is a bit of sidelining that happens. But later on, as things pick up, I start to rock and roll.
However, there is a different challenge that peeks in from August. It’s time to try and move closer to girlfriend in Germany, now that things have been officially communicated to the parents. Questions around who has to settle where start. Between August and November 2023, I take up the GMAT to see if I could try my luck, score decently well enough, while not checking all boxes of being a good performer at work. By now, the writing is on the wall.
Late in November and throughout December, the work timings become skewed although the client and the project are interesting; most importantly, there is an amazing manager who helps us learn and is a proper leader as well as a mentor. The visibility is good, and that goes like that.
In January 2024, as the fatigue sets in, this time multiplied by a combination of other questions.
On the one hand:
Do I want to work in this domain for real?
If I do, will the firm help me with transitions to Germany?
If they do help, would it then become an obligation at my end in case I end up not liking the domain?
Will I be forced to be working on something I do not like?
Should I have taken the GMAT more seriously?
Had I scored much better, would I have had the confidence to apply to the best schools?
Why did I not consider my score to be good? Was it because it resembled my CAT experience in terms of percentiles?
Was my score already good, and did I miss out on the applications and admissions bandwagon?
Wait! Am I just not fit for workplaces, and am just using exams and admissions as excuses to that extent? - And the circle is back in entirety! Go back to how I was feeling in 2018, and you know what I mean!
How do I manage the two sides of the coin - the predicament that parents are left to confront due to circumstances within the family even as they encourage me to go seek jobs in Deutschland; and, girlfriend who definitely wants to pursue her dream career in Germany even as she offers to come back to India by foregoing the dream?
On the other hand:
If I do decide to switch tracks to Germany, would I end up compromising on paycheck, experiences and other such built-up advantages for a career in India?
Would it make more sense to try working on my favorite domain for a while in India - given I have taken up some assignments to see if it really fits in, and I do seem to feel better - and then use that as an advantage to build a career later?
Do I really not have the capacity to stay for more than a year at any firm?
If yes, how am I going to fix this aspect? Is this a real problem with other people as well - trying to ‘figure out’ even as they are inching into the late 20s?
If not, and if I decide to focus and somehow push myself to become a pro in my current workplace and in the domain, would I be forever constrained to the same? And, if I try to switch later, I will run the risk of starting from scratch again, which seems like a whole different challenge. Would that be a good idea?
Essentially, the already packed schedule at work and the defect of not being able to be at least temporarily mediocre for mental peace, combined with the urge to keep myself occupied by learning new things all the time even at the cost of avoiding leisure time have been core features.
Now that this much is clear, what really happens as this phase ensues?
The onset:
The symptoms are very clear. And by that, I do not even mean the signals by the body such as “Dude, I need some rest". Can you STFU and tune off for a while?”; “Can you not just do your work and be back home for a few weeks or months? What is the point of reading about new themes and disciplines which may or may not be useful to your life in the long-run, anyway?”
The symptoms are much more complicated and confusing than that. Say you wake up at 6.30 am for your workday at 9 am. You do your morning routine and feel energized enough to go to work; however, the moment you open your laptop, you just get this uneasy feeling of being overwhelmed for no reason. You have a set of to-dos for the day, but somehow, you end up not doing anything. At the end of the day, you neither wasted time by, let’s say, playing foosball at the office but nor did you do anything useful. The day ends and you know the tasks are piling up. So, you decide to go home and work there properly, determined to complete the work somehow. The moment you reach home, you open the laptop and actually start working. But beyond a certain time-span, you feel numb and blank. The presentation is stuck, the Excel workbook is half-done, the market research is not progressing, and the reading material for the next day’s work is just not getting absorbed. Your brain has reached the point where it is snapping up, unable to load or process anything substantially.
The succeeding phase:
On good days, you are able to follow at least the routine. The bad days are worse. You wake up determined not to look at the mobile and deciding a clear routine for the next day. However, the next day, your non-mobile resolve is in place, but you are not just venturing out of your bed. You are awake and you know the clock is ticking but you end up looking at the ceiling and do nothing.
It is a nightmare. You try to forcefully ramp up yourself and reiterate that things are good and you will derive energy by listening to some metal or some other inspirational lyric. It is simply not working. And, the more you try to force-fit some sort of elusive energy into your sense of being and working, the more it backfires. This is bad because every time you pump yourself up, you are also relating that sense of energy to a prospective goal you would ideally want to accomplish for a day or a week (or whatever time period it may be). When the goal is not met, it leads to more complications like self-doubt, imposter syndrome, thoughts about existence, and more. Clearly a mess!
How does it vanish?
Honestly, it is a battle. And, the stress gets diluted best via coping mechanisms. There are several approaches I have heard. Folks go for counselling sessions. Some end up practicing journaling. One of my friends has mentioned that he used to cry for no reason, and not like howl but more of tear drops rolling down frequently at random moments; and eventually, he kind of cried repeatedly and washed it off. The best one that works for me is loud singing. I end up choosing extremely high-pitched songs and attempt them at the original scales, even if I know I am going to harm my throat in the short run. It works at some level.
But on the other side, this would still not solve the problem of tasks, goals, and accomplishments. And in this regard, it helps to consciously future-load to-dos. What that means is, apart from the absolutely mandatory stuff that has to be done today (if you are in a place where even this cannot be done, take a break from work; it is absolutely required), postpone everything as action items for a week or two later. In order to ensure that this task pile-up does not become a bothersome worry, I typically tend to focus on interests that not only make me tired (singing loud for 30-45 minutes without mic and accompanying instruments) but also help me actively express myself (for example, avoid reading and prefer writing).
I mean, this can sound weird but usually when I am at peace, I read a lot. When I am all over the place and messed up, I write/sing more*.
* - This article is an exception; I started it when I was probably at the peak of my stress (somewhere in mid-March) but let it go. Now, it feels a lot more clear in my head as I write this more from me approaching myself from a third-person perspective.
Additionals:
I used to think of the issue as a chicken-and-egg problem. Am I an addictive, compulsive job-hopper that gets stressed out when a particular threshold arrives? OR, do I have other reasons for the stress - be it at work or otherwise - and switching jobs happened only incidentally?
This was not an easy conundrum to solve, but with the natural passage of time (7 years is long enough to understand some aspects of the self retrospectively as well as prospectively), I have realized it is the latter. Situationally, there are too many dimensions that have kept evolving in my family, in the intra-familial relationships we have had at home with one another, and in the way I have responded to those. And, family is just one dimension. There are others. And, the job transitions are merely incidental.
Which leads me to the next candidate in my taxonomy list - ‘Conflict stress’.
Disclaimer: I am compelled to state it once again, since it has been quite a gap. This is my expression and my solutioning based on my experiences with stress. Please - kindly - do not take this as gospel truth.
Conflict stress:
There are, of course, some parallels between this one and snap stress. But, the foundational causes and how long it lasts are slightly different.
There are two broad ways in which this can happen (or rather does happen to me).
Type 1: This is more generic in the sense that it can happen to most of us, if not all of us - chaos resulting from thoughts around the purpose of life, living, existing, working, etc.
Type 2: This one can be a bit trickier because this starts right at the stage when snap stress is slowly evaporating.
Before I move further into each of these categories, in case you were wondering how I resolved the ‘chicken-and-egg’ problem mentioned towards the end of the discussion on snap stress (you might want to check out the ‘Additionals’ section just in case), this is how. The moment the classification of Type 1 and Type 2 became clear in my head, questions and skepticism around job-hopping - I hate the lingo, though; ideally, there should be no taboo around job transitions - disappeared. I switched jobs when Type 1 conflict stress knocked on my door. I go/went on an overdrive whenever Type 2 conflict stress welcomed itself into my scheme of things.
Anyway, let’s move forward!
Type 1 conflict stress:
Unless you are extremely self-satisfied (something like the topmost step on the Maslow’s) in life, OR you can afford a certain degree of nonchalance/ignorance and get away with it, chances are you might have faced this kind of stress. It could happen again because of several factors.
You get inspired by others. (Say, your friend completed a marathon and you have never done it in life but you want to reach that level)
You seek a change in life. (Say, you are working as a marketing executive but suddenly there is a nagging drive that nudges you towards wanting to pursue a career as an economist)
I particularly want to talk about #1 because there is so much stigma and bullshit around it. Intellectuals - and even a few qualified professionals - give very superficial explanations that border on ridiculousness. Think about the typical suggestions you would have heard from others when you said you are inspired by someone in your friends circle and want to accomplish something that they did.
On the one hand,
a. “Your life is your life. Don’t compare it with others. Be happy with who you are.”
b. “Life is a race. The goalposts keep shifting. There is no point accomplishing certain goals because they would not mean much anyway.”
And on the other hand,
a. “You have 24 hours in a day. 9 hours at work. 2 hours for this. 3 hours for that. 1 hour for something else. And, x hours for sleep. You will still have y hours left to pursue your aspirations.”
b. “I know this other guy who did this, that, and two more things as well bro. What are you even doing? Just go for it and you will be done in a jiffy.”
None of these help me in sorting out the nuanced intricacies of conflict stress. Because, the problem is not really about aspirations and inspirations. Rather, the more pertinent question is: “How do I work towards it, given there are x other things that seem/are equally important to me as well?”
Given this difference, let’s move to the next stage!
The onset:
Usually, it starts with a sense of shell-shock. An example scenario could be as follows: You are studying every day for 5 hours because that is the bare minimum you have to do in order to pursue your professional aspiration. Now, there is another activity - something like going for extended running exercises for around 2 hours every day (as opposed to casual, hobbyist, fitness-sake running of 15-20 minutes daily) - that threatens to take away your study time.
The prudent and rational school of thought would say that you will have to prioritize one over another, and keep them separate as two different milestones to be achieved at two different points in the timeline of your life. But it is easier said than done, right? After all, if things were so utopian and in an ideal state of existence, we would not have confusions, ambiguities and lack of clarity in the first place forever.
(I can use this opportunity to talk like a new-age-elite-humblebrag-startup-entrepreneur about how confusions are the root causes of business problems that get solved, and hence that is how/why capitalism thrives and is important. But neither do I have a loss-making startup idea nor are VCs waiting in line to fund me, so let me keep it aside hopefully for a different day.)
The most plausible way to reprioritize routine is to analyze if the existing routine is necessary in the first place.
The succeeding phase:
I will give an example from a very recent change I am in the process of getting accustomed to.
My usual mornings included reading The Ken, The Morning Context, Finshots, and The Signal newsletter(s) without fail, in addition to the almost daily frequency at which my friend sends me selected articles from The Economist. Furthermore, I regularly (used to) follow a few reading lists that suggested one long read per day (2IIM’s is my personal favourite, as are weekend recommendations from First Principles newsletter by The Ken, The Guardian’s long reads of the week, and occasional reads into Aeon and Psyche.) In any given day, this would take anywhere between 90 and 120 minutes, and sometimes even more than that. However, I have felt the need to fast-track my German language learning preparation phase recently, and hence decided to focus on it. The transition was a pain. Not reading everything I used to read until that point created a lot of uneasiness. Plus, the idea of spending time learning a language that is not being spoken in my personal and professional context on a day-to-day basis was/is not helping as well, since there is no real tangible proof of progress with which I can measure myself. Effectively, I have stopped following business reads - or any other reading, for that matter - for quite some time now. I occasionally feel dumb (as I should). But there are no other options.
Firstly, the fact that I did not follow these news items did not result in any form of handicap other than me feeling inadequately equipped. Secondly, the wannabe German transition would not require me to know about Indian startups in detail. Thirdly, and most probably, I was dumping too much news into my mind, and perhaps that level of intake was not necessary in the first place.
But…
This was an easier decision. More complex dilemmas around career choices (switching domains, specializations, industries) or higher education decisions (like my GMAT tryst for a potential second Masters degree) are not straightforward. This might require conversations with mentors at work or outside, and other career counsellors (genuine ones who would not swindle money for random advice).
How does it vanish?
It does and does not. There is always a subconscious calculation about what I am missing out on versus what I am gaining, going on at the back of my mind. In some cases, the aspirations happen to be infatuations that fade out, and hence are not as bothersome. In other cases, the new aspirations become core goals or purposes, pushing the earlier set of goals to the backburner.
The lingering middle-path is the pressing existence of “I have to follow my previous routine while incorporating everything I have cultivated interests towards recently.” Just like a loop, in this case, the conflict stress metamorphosizes into snap stress, I go to a state of inaction, and then slowly things fall in place again.
I know this might be an ‘answer’ - if you were expecting one - but hey, I did point out right at the start itself that this is not a set of ‘solutions’ as such.
Decision stress:
If conflict stress can be compared to the ‘input’ or ‘process’ phase, decision stress is more on the ‘output’ side. Essentially, I go through conflicts, make some decisions or am about to make a bigger decision, and am accumulating stress related to the outcomes of such decision.
Just for the sake of broader understanding, let me explain what I mean by ‘bigger decision’. A smaller decision in my case could be the change in routine from reading all the newsletters and magazines I used to follow every day, to just focusing on learning the German language. The bigger decision, in relation to it, is the actual transition to Germany - or some nearer geography in EU (just keeping options wide open, you know, in case you are reading this and have reached this point, AND might be able to give me a referral) - at some point soon.
There was a question tree of sorts that I put forth earlier when I tried my best to explain snap stress. However, most of them - if you do not mind relooking - were centered around personal desires and conundrums. The decision stress goes one step further and adds layers on top of it.
Questions like the following are common.
“What will parents do here?”
“How soon should I be coming back so that it it not too late for parents?”
“Are mom and dad actually fully in line - and they would wish me well - with this one, OR are they just nodding in approval just for namesake?”
“Though I can comfortably talk about living-without-geographical-boundaries-for-the-world-is-an-oyster, I have enjoyed the geographical privileges and societal advantages that came from this place. How much of a selfish decision is it to actually move out because it is necessary for me now?”
Reiteration: As I can sense already, this might come off as a bit of personal show-off or personal rant, depending upon how you end up absorbing it. But like I said, I am intentionally keeping it contextual to my personal issues because I am neither qualified to talk about the subject nor am I writing an academic research thesis. And, I am not denying that even if I would like to let go of the show-off tone, this is my reservoir; innate to it is the concept of positive and negative self-expressions.
The onset:
As opposed to the other two ‘categories’ of stresses, this one is slightly different in the sense that there is not a clear distinction between the pre-onset and post-onset periods. Decision stress, I would argue, exists in a binary. Either you are going through it, or you are not.
Having said that, it can be foreseen if you are going through some form of conflict stress (learning German and having to skip reading magazines) and any kind of visible result is associated with it (the idea of transition to Germany). The only way to solve be prepared for it is just to factor in the notion that the period of conflict stress is going to fade away AS decision stress-related issues start cropping up. (Umm, hope I am making sense - and even if I did not, I guess that is how it is supposed to be. I have tried long and hard to wrap my around the onset, but just like the concept of singularity, it does not seem to be as easy to articulate. My apologies.)
The succeeding phase:
Especially since decision stress comes with a broader inclusion of factors that are more external in nature (here, ‘external’ refers to anything that is beyond the idea of self/individual), the resulting clutters are also multi-pronged and more guilt-inducing than the other two. And, anyone who has gone through a reasonable level of guilt for a sustainably long period of time might realize that shrugging oneself out of it is never easy; it is a lifelong battle of crests and troughs.
As heartless and mathematical as it may sound, the only way I have found to be effective is to treat the decisions from the perspectives of paying forward and paying back. In my case, thinking about what might be the priorities for my parents - one of them in early sixties and one of them in late fifties - now (to ensure I can try - at least on a few counts - and make them happy and confident that I am not going away forever, a la paying forward) AND what they might need when they are nearing their seventies (a la paying back) as I transition back.
I never said this is easy or this is the only possible way out. This is the only way I know of yet, and I am not even sure if it a sort of a proper solution by itself. And, the consequences of these actions will come full-circle to create another loop of snap stress and conflict stress, in all likelihood. The only clarity I have is to be prepared for such a bout of looped in stress cycles.
How does it vanish?
At least for the previous category, I started off by saying , ‘It does and does not’. Over here, I do not even have two possibilities. It does not vanish. Period. The reason is pretty simple and straightforward. The gestation timeline for a decision taken today, particularly on complicated long-term facets, will be far spaced out and it is not really within any individual’s control to foresee, calculate, and make (un)necessary adjustments well in advance. Just does not work.
Having said that, these can be made part of our individual identity in a positive way. As an example, I always think about what my parents thought when I worked in vocations they did not consider worthy enough but how they felt proud when they witnessed good coming out of such vocations. It might not have been a great career move at a personal level, considering how B-school grads (are supposed to) plan careers and compensations, but I would have not chosen to do it now had I not back then, when dependencies and expectations about me and my professional trajectory were still evolving.
People tend to give it a lot of different phrasal attributes such as ‘Confront yourself’, ‘Acknowledge your privileges’, ‘Take ownership of your actions’, and more. I think those statements make complete sense, but would be far more comprehensive and effective if we include ‘… and be prepared for the laurels and the consequences of the same’.
End notes:
Who knows? Hopefully after a decade, when I am 38, I would write a sequel to this one from the perspective of transition to Germany and back to India.
And for one last time, this was NOT meant to be an educational material nor does it give proven best practices. If any, it is ‘proven’, but on a sample size of 1. Please be aware of your stressors, and ensure you do not treat symptoms of stress lightly.
Additionally, this was never meant to be an academically researched essay by any stretch of imagination; these are just collection of experiential thoughts structured to an extent written more from the point of view of an individual thinking out loud. Please treat it strictly for its merits and do not extrapolate it to your situations in case you are going through stress and you believe you have to seek professional help.
Cheerio!